Category Archives: Blog

Unpretty Walk Down Memory Lane

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With my new Morning routine, one part is all to do with silence. Sssshhhh, I can hear you thinking.

Me and meditation have never been the best of pals. Not that I don’t believe it works, it’s just that my head is constantly full of so much shit that I can barely see straight let alone think straight.

However, when its put out there that part of the program is to sit in silence and meditate, I was envisioning a day long stint of trying to get my head clear enough to remember what silence was.

So here’s a little insight into what was going on in my head

– those kids better not bloody wake up while im trying to meditate
– if they wake up im just going to go back to bed
– im tired
– im so gonna be a grumpy bitch later today
– im hungry
– im thirsty
– oh shit did i pull something out for dinner, no wait, its a no cook day right?

Blah blah blah friggin blah. Sooooo much blah!

Yet, something cropped up that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. I remembered when I was younger, like way younger, and I was testing out meditation, that I had some major breakthroughs in my emotional balance and my outlook on life. I then started to remember the ideals I carried with me at the time, how I was going to be this and do that and have all manner of things and people in my life.

Then I remembered something more important. I remembered that I use to DREAM. Ohhhh and did that open the flood gates of emotion right there! The dreams I had for my life, before my kids and even after. Where had that dreamer gone over the last 6 years. Why wasn’t I striving to be, do and have the life I always wanted. Was it because I was in my 40’s now? Maybe it was because I was too busy being busy to be able to sit down and think about the things I really wanted to experience in life. Maybe after the challenges I had faced I just wanted to ride the wave of mediocrity for a little bit.

Or, maybe I didn’t believe that I deserved it.

Ok so that’s enough doom and gloom, however, this process is brining a lot of things into focus for me now. I seem to have so much to work through, least of all who I want to be if I ever grow up.

Yet what kind of example am I setting for my kids if I am living a life I am just settling for? Am I teaching them that its ok to just not do what you really want to do especially if it seems to hard, or you can’t be bothered, or your too busy?

Thats not a lesson I was intending on leaving my kids with.

So today marks a new chapter in life for me.

Unpretty Mom has been heading a bit of a negative path in terms of subject posts, however, I feel validated that getting all that shit out and seeing it for what it is will help me move forward.

So yes there is still more Unpretty to come, but it’s not going to be all Unpretty, there may be some random acts of pretty thrown in to mix things up.
I have only one question for you today……’what is your lifes purpose‘ ………
I will answer this question when I find the answer, but the best thing is, I want to find the answer!

Dream big ladies and live large!

Unpretty Wake Ups – From Night Owl To Morning Mom?

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I am a tired mommy this morning.  My boys were up at 3am for some unknown reason and considering I had gotten to sleep at around 11.30 pm, that is way less sleep than I am use to.

I am normally a night owl, very very much so. However, I have just started a 30 day course called the Miracle Morning which for a non Morning person is kinda funny and bloody challenging.

So I had everything set up for my Miracle Morning. Alarm set for 5am, check. My accountability partner was set to text me at 5.05 to check I was ready to roll, check. Had my water, my journal and my pens all set out on the kitchen table ready to start, check.

Then boom, 3am and I’m being shoved and woken way before my alarm. 5 min later Mr 1.5 is howling because Mr 3 had climbed over him and was kicking his legs out-of-the-way. For those of you who are new to my blog antics, we co-sleep, in the lounge, on the coach, just me and my two boys. Yes, long story, way longer than I have the patience for right at this minute.

Soooo, with them awake of course I was awake so I thought I would try to get my Miracle Morning started right then and there. Considering that most of it revolved around things that needed quiet thought and stillness, I gave up about the 5 min mark. I just lay on the bed till they had worn themselves out and passed out again.

Did I crawl back under the covers with them? Well no because I wouldn’t be writing this if I had. So I went through my Miracle Morning routine and smashed it! I even managed a bit of exercise. God its going to hurt tomorrow!

However, I was so set on getting right into this Miracle Morning not only for the promises it made but also because the thought of getting up because I WANTED to not because I HAD to really had me excited. I thought ‘Yes, me time!’

Alas, as invigorating as I am sure the process is and should be, the Unpretty Wake Up was not the best way to start my new morning routine.

I will persist, because I want to, because I want the benefits that this books raves about. I want the experiences that the community of MM’ers talk about on Facebook. Mostly, I just want to have some me time and 3am bed times are really taking their toll.

This morning reminded me of many a morning when I had rolled into bed really late/early in the morning thinking I would catch some decent sleep because the boys had been up late. Only to be awoken a few hours later due to some random act of elbow/knee/head butt incident.

I thought those days were over. Today, I was wrong. How on gods green earth can these kids be up at 3am when they have been sleeping mostly through the night for yonks? Do they secretly know that I am trying to get me some me time? It’s like they sniffed the idea out and are playing a really crap prank on me.

They are so lucky I love them, or I may be inclined to toss them out of the house if they keep this up.

I would love to hear about your Unpretty Wake Ups with your little darlings/monsters. Do you grab a nap during the day or just hold on and go to bed at the same time as the kids?

Better yet, I dare you to some join me on this morning trek to a better life using the 30 day Miracle Morning Challenge

*if you click on the links and buy the book I get coffee money, which I need a ton of this morning.  Just saying

Unpretty Chaos

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I swear some days I should sell tickets to my house of Chaos.

Like one of those horror trains, you have no idea what could come jumping out at you.  A wayward toy from across the other side of the room, maybe a pretty new piece of art about knee-high.

Some days the floor is like a minefield and if your stupid enough to think that it can wait till the next day, then don’t be stupid enough to try going the loo in the middle of the night with the lights out.

Yes, mommas are no stranger to the chaos.  Some even get to live it every day.  

I’m not going to write about all the little tips, tricks and hacks that can help.  Here’s what I want to focus on.

Emotionally, how are you doing?  Give yourself an emotional check up next time you feel like your house has been thrown into a state of complete chaos.

-Are you feeling a little on the blah blah side?  Melancholy maybe?  Could you be in a pissed of mood with hubby or did yall have a bit of a lovers spat recently?  Maybe the in-laws are due to turn up any day and your feeling a little on the anxious side.
 
-Are you struggling financially?  Not getting nearly enough sleep lately?
 
-All of these things could be major contributors to how much chaos is going on at any given time.

Chaos reins in my house around that certain time of the month.  It reins when I’ve stayed up way too late working on my blog or playing my damn Facebook games.  It reins when I’m pissed at hubby for whatever reason it is this week.  It reins when the boys are sick, or god forbid I actually get sick.  It happens!

Routines go out the door, cleaning becomes more of a chore than it already is and my mental capacity gets shorter and shorter.

Some days if I am just having a moment of weakness or a melting moment, you can be sure my boys are running tag team destruction through the house.

When I feel like I just want to curl into a ball for a few days and forget about the world, that’s when the chaos will peak.  Then because its chaotic I am more prone to loosing my shit.

So how do we combat the chaos.  Not just through routines and schedules and organisation.

My only recourse is through self nurturing.

I need me time.  I need time and space to be able to pull myself up by my bra straps and get my shit together enough to function.  From function I can gain some momentum which will normally give me some motivation to keep going.

Chaos may rein at my house sometimes, but I know that if I deal with the chaos within, the chaos outside of myself can and will be addressed.

Do you feel that way sometimes?  I have my own process that I take myself through to get out of the funk, but I would love to hear about yours.

Unpretty Anger

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Anger in and of itself is an Unpretty emotion. Yet many of us mommas have to struggle with it. Angry momma leads to snappy momma which in turn leads to guilty momma.

Anger is such an ugly ugly emotion. It can cause mental as well as physical reactions that in most cases, if gone unchecked, will end in tears, either for you or those you love the most.

When we are angry, we actually trigger our most basic instincts. Fight or Flight.

Your heart rate goes up, you tense up in your neck and jaw and your breathing becomes more rapid. Every seen yourself in the mirror when your angry? Red face, nostrals flarring. Soooo Unpretty.

If we haven’t resolved our issues or at least calmed down before bed, we can easier spend hours up late thinking about the reasons we were pissed off in the first place and this just brings it all back to the surface. Hello insomnia!

So how do we deal with shit that just makes us mad?

Here is how I work through it:

1 – Breath – Not just snorting want to head butt someone breathing. I take long deep breaths in through my nose and out through my nose. As I do this I focus on each breath and on my heart, ensuring that I am brining it back to a normal rythum.

2 – Acknowledge – Acknowledging the emotion takes away so much of its spark. So I say to myself ‘ok, I am feeling really pissed off right now at blah blah or because blah blah happened.

3 – Think – Think through why you were angry in the first place. Was it just one incident? I doubt it, if your anything like most of us, it will be a sequence of events to lead up to this finale stage.

4 – Ask – Ask yourself one question. Is getting angry going to change whats happened? Answer is? NO! Sure getting angry and lashing out will let off a bit of steam, but think about the people in your firing line that pay the price for you not being able to come down from this hissy fit.

5 – Fuck it – my personal favorite step. I sit there and just say ‘fuck it’. Oh, and a glass of wine (or a bottle or 3) at the end of this process would be a great way to reward yourself for being cool, calm and collected!

 

Have any tips of your own about how you talk yourself down from the edge? Maybe you just jumped to the alcoholic beverage?

If you try my above steps I would love to know how they worked, or didn’t work for you.

The Unpretty Things We Accept

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Parental responsibilities come with some Unpretty things that we just accept as part and parcel of raising little humans to be big humans.

I thought It would a fun challenge to come up some of the things that life throws at us when we have children:

1 – Nappy changing
Wow, this can be all sorts of Unprety! I currently have two nappy/diaper wearing toddlers home with me all day every day. Thats double the nappy trouble!

2 – Vomit
OMG, I can handle the worst of poops without blinking. Ok I blink a lot because sometimes it makes my eyes water. However, I would trade 10 eye water nappies for one vomit feast. And again, double that because if one has germies, so does the other

3 – Pee
Not just pee, but being peed on. My oldest children (for those that don’t know I have 5 mini me’s) were constantly peeing on me. As soon at the diaper was off, it was on! I remember one day when my ex was changing our oldest, I had a hold of his hands and just as his father lifted his butt up to wipe him up, he let loose with a stream of pee and it got me in the face. Ugghhh, to make matters worse, none, and I mean none of it landed on said childs head.

4 – Bites
Not mosquito bites, I mean full on just got their teeth toddler bites. I have sported a few feral looking wounds from little people who got mad and decided because they couldn’t talk they would connect with my arm, leg, finger and see if they could transfer their frustration along with the bite.

5 – Food Fights
Oh if these walls could talk they would probably be calling themselves a restaurant. Seriously, is it too hard to just push the plate away and say ‘nope, don’t like it’. Double that and we have a full-blown food fight. Yes, I have been known to give up and just toss it back at them and we laugh till I realize I’m the only one on clean up duty.

6 – Bad Words In Public
I drop the ‘S’ bomb from time to time. I swear my oldest sons first word was said ‘S’ bomb, in the middle of the mall when he dropped his chocolate bar on the floor. It was loud enough that at least 10 people turned around. Most laughed, thank goodness but I’m sure some wanted to call social services on me.

7 – Sibling Rivalry
My oldest two were born close together. One boy one girl. Guess how that ended up? I spent most of my time telling one of them to leave the other one alone. Now my two youngest are at it and our day normally consists of someone getting hit upside the head by the other with a toy of some description.

8 – The terrible Twos, Threes, Teens
Need I say more? The tantrums just went to throwing ones self on the floor to slamming bedrooms doors and turning their music up realllllllllll loud.

9 – Losing Their Big V….
and posting it on Facebook. I shit you not! My oldest son, seriously, what the hell was the child thinking. I was sooooo NOT impressed. My daughter, my only daughter is 18 and swears black and blue she hasn’t yet and would dare post it on Facebook.

10 – Moving Out
I am still yet to experience this, however I would accept it with open arms.

These are all the things we accept we will go through as parents. Part of the journey. As tough as it can be, it also has many many more wonderful, beautiful and amazing moments that make up for all of the Unpretty things that we accept.

And, we do it with LOVE and compassion.
Got any other Unpretty things parents accept in life that I missed? Would love for you to share.
This post has is part of the #1000 speak out for compassion, a wonderful movement that asks bloggers, writers or any other media type peeps to share the love with posts on or about Compassion.

On the 20th of each month we post world wide, getting the message out that hopefully spreads more compassion in the world. This month was a theme month, and that theme? You guessed it, Acceptance.

If you want to join the movement, please visit the #1000 speak for compassion Facebook Page for more info.

 

 

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

The Unpretty Of Not Nurturing The Nurturer

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Self-care can be a bit of a stretch unless your up with the birds and your kids don’t sniff you out.

Being able to Nurture ones self is something that many an advice giver will advise its a major priority.  The whole put your mask on first in a plane etc.

Sometimes it is easier said than done.

In my case, I don’t get a lot of nurturing externally and I have come to realize that if I don’t nurture myself, no one else will, therefore, self-care is a priority for me now.

How does my life look when I don’t self-nurture? Here’s the Unpretty Truth

Showers can become something of a Unicorn. Getting a chance to get in to the shower alone was always something I wouldn’t budge on. However, of late I am now showering while the kids are in the bath. Not ideal because Mr 1.5 seems to think I am going to go down the drain every time I get in the little cube thing and shut the door. Of course they can also see all my bits, but it doesn’t phase them any at the ages they are at.

Sleep deprivation has become something of a norm for me of late. While the boys were sick I think I lived on maybe 4 hrs of broken sleep a night. Over a 2 week period, it was a horrible thing to behold. Most people in the most got whip-lash from my mood swings. Naps would be ideal, however when getting the boys to nap at the same time? Forget it. So my eyes are puffy, my back is killing me from sleeping on the couch (another story for another time) and if anyone gets in my alone time space, well, hello whip-lash.

Eating is something I do when I can manage to put together a peanut butter sandwich, or if I am really lucky, a peanut butter toast. I pretty much have a coffee intravenously hooked up daily, which of course doesn’t help the breastfeeding Mr 1.5 to sleep very well does it. Such a vicious cycle!

Working on my blog consumes my thoughts. Why? Well, probably because I don’t have time to work on it. Normally I do all my blog work after the boys go to sleep. Lately I have been just too exhausted to think let alone think.

Sex? Whats that? I kid you not, its been almost 2 months. 2 MONTHS! Kill me, kill me now.

So because of all of these factors/symptoms/side affects, I am now plotting a course to find small but significant ways to self nurture.

Some of the self nurturing things I am doing are:

Showering every day. No more stinky mommy for me. AND, I am showering alone again. Yeah some days it means I have two kids sliding things under the door, or knocking, or mostly Mr 1.5 screaming at the top of his lungs for the 5 min it takes me to get in, scrub and get out, but the clean feeling is well worth the ear ache.

Meditation. I love my calm mind, warm and giving heart and fire in my belly meditation. It really does help with the lessening the whip-lash for everyone in the house. I do it around 6 times a day especially when I am feeling drained.

Embrace my inner child. There seems to be a trend in the self-help sector that we need to embrace and nurture our inner child. So I now have a mini me that I converse with. She tells me her woes and I try my best to adjust my life to meet her needs. Great, just want I need, another demanding child.

Eating one proper meal a day. Yep, I am well aware that we should be siting down to eat every meal of the day, but sometimes the reality is that if I manage 1, it’s a good day.

Drinking water. Hydration is a monster issue with me. I hate drinking water. It’s just so watery, and tasteless. So now after every cup of coffee I allow myself, I have to drink a cup of water. Yuck, but I know that it can make a big difference in my life.

As for the sex, well, I am still working on that one.
Leave a comment and let me know if you regularly self-nurture and what small things you do to ensure you are looking after yourself in the midst of looking after everyone else.

The Unpretty Of Burn Out

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Exhaustion is a bad bad thing and so very Unpretty.

You can become a bit of a Jekyle and Hyde type of momma if your are constantly the center of everyones universe and never get a break.

I burnout at least a couple times a month. Sometimes its around my monthly visit from Aunty Flow, sometimes its just random.

One thing I know is this. Its a hard cycle to break.

I do envy the mommas who’s spouses help around the house or with the kids.

My partner and I seem to be on a constant struggle as to who does what and why.

Lately, after a recent run in, I came to the conclusion that he expects me, and everyone else in the house, to do the housey stuff, which is fine. However, there is only so much anyone can do with two active and sometimes sick little boys are in the house.

After a recent sickness fest with both my boys coming down with horrible colds, as well as hubby I might add, I was at my burnout point.  Continue reading The Unpretty Of Burn Out

Unpretty Energy Sucking Open Circles

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I have recently been attacking my shit list, otherwise known as the Energy Sucking Open Circles.

No idea what these are?

Let me try to explain it as best I can.

These are things that you know you should have done, but you constantly prefer to NOT do them.

They are the items on our to do list that end up on a shit list, the list of shit we can’t be bothered with so they can sit in the back of our minds until we get to them.

Problem with that is, these shit list items tend to suck up more energy than they would if we just bit the bullet and got them out-of-the-way.

The energy it takes to hold these things in our minds rather than letting them go can be utilised for other more important tasks.  Continue reading Unpretty Energy Sucking Open Circles

The Unpretty Momma Forum Keyboard/Smartphone Warriors

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Its my belief that ignorance breeds arrogance.

I also feel very strongly that unless you have walked in the shoes of a person, through their entire life, you do NOT know what has led to where they currently are.

When you take a look at some of the mommy forums there are never ending posts and comments about all manor of things.

As a stay at home mom, it really is disheartening when a post or comment surrounds the differences between stay at home moms, working moms and the new age of work from home moms.

Yes we are all moms, yes we all have the welfare of our children and our family at the forfront of all our choices, so why oh why are we constantly bitching about who does a better job and worse yet, WHY!

Each group have their challenges and their rewards. These all depend on the person you are, one size does not fit all.

So when a working mom disses a stay at home mom for being lazy and not contributing to the financial wellbeing of their family, it frustrates me. When I read about how working moms are made to feel guilty for leaving the children they gave birth to in the hands of complete strangers, this makes me mad, and when you read about how a stay at home mom brags about how she makes a 6 figure income at home around her children (and I mean brag in a ‘im better than you’ type of way), No! Just NO!

Moms who go on those sights to piss all over other moms is just plain bullshit.

I don’t mean to say that you cant have an opinion, but if a person is crying out for help and your answer is to throw her circumstances in her face, then maybe you should be held accountable face to face.

There is way more bullying going on in these sites then would be going on in real life. Why? Because these behind the keyboard and smartphone warrior mom trolls would never open their mouths in real life face to face.

They are the types that are ignorant to the history of a persons upbringing, therefore they feel they have a right to their arrogance.

If anyone spoke to me face to face the way these mommas type to the general public, I would most definatlly punch them in the face or better yet, nail them to their judgmental crosses. I do not condone ignorance like that. I do however, tolerate it.

Why?

Because in part I pity them. I hold compassion for the reasons they are who they are. I will never understand the journey they have been on to bring them to this point in their lives, but I hope that at some point they find a different direction.

I have not walked in their shoes, so I have no idea if they were abused, bullied or are mentally unstable. I don’t excuse the behaviour, I do however forgive it and stay clear of that bullshit as much as possible.

That’s my advice to all moms out there on the forums. Although it can be hard to do when you may already be hanging on by a thread and some comments are like being kicked while your down.

Detach from those Negative trolls, don’t justify yourself to anyone who is set on inflicting pain for whatever their reasons are. Move on to comments that encourage, support and help you move through whatever challenge you are facing.

Better yet, find a comment that really touches you and connect with the person who wrote it. Chances are you just made yourself a new friend.

The moral of this story is…..

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

Unpretty Distractions

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Sibling rivalry is something to behold.

Having 5 kids with two sets close in age, oldest 2 are a year and a half apart as are the two youngest, I have had to become very creative in the way I distract them from their life and death battles for supremacy.

When my older two hit their teenage years, their fierce and constant arguments would grate the nerves.

Here are 5 of my top go too distractions Continue reading Unpretty Distractions